How Beautiful Is Forgetting! How Beautiful Is Being Forgotten!

by Alex Perez

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released August 11, 2015

Jake Kalmink- he recorded (minus 'I Am The Sunlight' it was recorded by Adis Kaltak,) mixed, mastered, and sang, played bass, keyboard, saxophone, and percussion on this record. Jake is the one who has turned my thoughts into recorded sound. With that said- most of the credit goes to him. I did the rest.

Nick Anderson took this photo



all rights reserved
Track Name: Virgin White
The one I want, she don't exist, she floats through the air- scattered in bits- my hands are open, I grab her toes to pull her down. I’ve seen her before when I closed my eyes- my hand between my legs until I cum- my dirty mind will have to do until you're here. All the boys who’ve had you before will do the same. I’m just like them, I need some pleasuring while I wait. And when you arrive- as if you just appear- you have no past, I’m your only one. All I want for you is to be white and clean for me, and I’ll dirty you up but I’ll still call you mine. You’ve washed you hands, you’ve cleansed your skin. You’re all mine.
Track Name: Two Is Too Much
I’m looking for you like a mothers lost child. Feel need to hurry. Nothing is longer than life. It’s much like walking through the house in the dark, my arms are stretched out, I’m reaching for your touch. I don’t know you, I only merely know myself. You are the mirror reflecting who I wish I was. I swear I once heard someone call that love. Please tell me I’m not wrong, although you know I made it up. Do you think of thoughts so strange you are ashamed? I imagine sharing a life and sharing a brain. Two is too much but one is not the same. I always try to compensate but can’t sustain the weight.
Track Name: Alba
Freckles on your nose in the morning light- you’ve got no makeup on, you’ve got no disguise- I’ll see you the way morning kisses your eyes as I pull the blankets from over your head; as morning pours in your drowning in the new day- parts of you who love me yesterday are still asleep. You, who love me yesterday, she is still asleep. I think she should've woke by now. The secrets that you told me, whispered in the dark. Did you think that I was someone else? I don’t know. I’m not sure who you thought I was was. Last night I was too drunk to lie to you when you asked me if I loved you. With your body under mine I studied you face- the light the snuck from behind the blinds was enough to let me see- my words were cover with weed and alcohol when I was able to reply; you’d already fallen asleep. You, who love me yesterday, she is still asleep. I think she should've woke by now. The secrets that you told me, whispered in the dark. Did you think that I was someone else? I know I’m replacing someone else. Last night I was too drunk to lie to you when you asked me if I loved you. Does it matter if I loved you?
Track Name: Speaking Of...
Ten months I’ve been living, staying silent, waiting for my chance to speak. I have grown comfortable in this position, the one where you’re too far to reach. You stand in the place where I will keep you. If you don't come to me, you can never leave; this way I will never hurt you- the only thing I want for you is too be happy. Ten months, each day I’ve been counting, the numbers raise with my certainty. Katherine, theres something I’ve been meaning to tell you: I know that I could love you if you want. Katherine, this is the chance that I am taking, I don't want to go on breaking something thats not mine. Katherine, darling, are you happy? I hope he is everything I wish to be. You stand so close and so pretty, behind this glass that I’ve put up. I’ll keep both hands in my pockets, holding a letter I wrote for you. It says everything that I want to, the way that I adore you, and I love your smile. If he is the reason I am waiting, and the reason I am waiting: my legs have grown tired. Katherine, I’m growing impatient. I have ask this now before its not true. Katherine, will you let me love you? You can hate me in the evening, in the morning is fine. Katherine, remember our talk of our dream of children? You told me I’d be a good father and I thought of a life with you.
Track Name: I Made You A Prisoner Of My Love, You Call This Getting Even
I asked you his name, you wouldn't give me an answer. I just lay here wondering how this could be. I say to you “I fucking hate that asshole,” and laughter breaks as sealed lips open to spill the secret I’ve been trying to tell you. A blanket of silence and your head sticks out from underneath. A serious tone fogs your words, you say “I’m sure you’d actually like him.” I say “I’m sure that I would too. It’s such a shame that I have to hate him,” I make the mistake of asking when this was. “Late summer,” “when was that?” “I think it was late August. Right before I left.” Your tail hangs between your hind legs and gravity pushes my head to look down. I try to lift it up, if I did the tears will have no way to drain out. “Wasn’t that when I still loved you, when I wanted to pull you back onto my side?” “Yes it was, you pulled the string we both untied.” “No wonder why you seemed so distant when I tried to whisper in your ear, whisper of my love although there is no one else to hear.” Its something that I would have done when we were still first finding our love; your body under mine, I held your head like a phone. I can see it now, your legs constricted, you are holding his body captive. I made you a prisoner of my love, you call this getting even. Unless it was this other guy, your bodies are probably intertwined, his tongue is in your mouth and both hands are covering your ears. I was sitting in the other room, I was singing a song for you, after writing a letter to send you for when you moved away. I didn't know you were already gone, you never spoke a word. When I asked you where I stand you made it seem I stood the chance. And in front of me is this other guy, you cant see my shadow behind; I wonder if he even knows my name. Did you mention who I was? And do you still hate who I’ve become? Did he work as hard as I did to get to where I was? I’m sure you gave him everything you could ever give to me. I prized your love as if I’d won some goddamn lottery. I was stupid then, I pissed it away- my hungry soul is left to wait- it was spent as soon as it was paid. The taste still lingers in my mouth. It all returned the other day when you rested your head upon my hand, and I huddled over you so your face could not be seen. You said “we can’t.” I said “it feels right,” and “sometimes you shouldn't think, baby, look where our thoughts got us today.”
Track Name: I Am The Sunlight
I am the sunlight
Track Name: Pink Line In The Sky
It’s so inconceivable to me that we are alive, that we are gods dream, that he is in me. The only thing that I am is really not me. I follow a path of half broken trees, I believe that I cut on my own, and really I’m way too small to see the surroundings of me, the birth of the universe and lifeforms that have grown old before me. Destiny is a friend of mine, her daughter, fate, she fucks my mind, disorients my line of things I choose to believe. She is a lie that I read, a troubled friend that makes decisions for me. Is my mind my own? Has what I thought been thought before? Where did they live? When are they from? Was it a successful man? An independent woman? Someone imprisoned in their mind for a lie sentence of unhappiness? Is there a gravity pull that drags me toward what I think that I want? Does endless love exist? Is love a myth? Is this life a lie, temporary bliss, with a lifetime of blindness? Bless me with ignorance so I cannot see the man that I am, the man that I’ll be. My life is cold, its predictable, and the wallet is never full of the only thing that ever seems to matter. Theres a pink line in the sky that I’m driving toward. I’m burning gas, I strike a match, for we all will live and we all will die, and for the same thing: this all amounts to nothing. The only thing that I want is a love thats true, a love thats pure, a love to endure life and its mystery.